Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Wizards > Cavs

Tonight, we take on the Cavs. A team so lost it was heard they were even asking TomTom for directions. Directions to the Phone Booth. Direction to the NBA Finals. Direction on what to do when their only proven scorer, LBj, is out with a hurt finger (or in more modern sports speak, LBj is out with a finger). Which way do they go from here? I know. DOWN. Down like a clown.

I hope they lose, and lose, and lose some more. I hate their evil-ness. Their reluctance to give a proven ESSENTIAL piece of the puzzle the money he wanted seems a bit ridiculous. At the point where they weren't getting what they wanted anyway, they should have tried a sign and trade. I don't think he's going to come back energized and ready to play. But who cares? I don't like the guy. I think he's a pathetic flopper and at times, an insult to the game. You wanna get a foul call? Take a friggin charge to the FACE Andy! Take it, right in the face. I'm sure 'Sheed could help on that one. But I digress.

I hate the Cavs. Why? Well why not? Exactly. They are a middle of the road team with a superstar. Their role players would be role players on any other team, except, they would suck more because they wouldn't have LBj stringing them along. I also hate LeBron (not necessarily as a person, I don't know the guy, and I am not an irresponsible blogger). I watched on TV as Gil missed those two fateful free throws. I wanted to punch LeBron in the face for what he did (and why did not ONE WIZARD stop LBj from getting to the line???). I was there in person for Game 4 of that series in 2006, when we smacked Cleveland around like our red-headed step child (oh, wait). I also attended last years playoff stinker Game 4, where LBj mailed it in for 3 quarters then turned up the juice on our injury devastated squad. Oh, how I despise thee, Cavs. I won't even call them Cavaliers. Yuck.

Mark Duncan, AP

Lucky for me I have an awesome girlfriend who knows my hatred of the Cavs and my love of the Wizards, and she awesomely bought me tickets to tonight's game. I won't be sitting behind their bench (or anyones for that matter), but you can expect to hear the following things when you tune in to the game tonight:
"LeBron sucks finger!"

"I drink the Tuff Juice, so should you!"

"Hey Larry, you aren't doing them any good. You have been statistically insignificant for years. Please come back and back up AD!!!"


"Hey LeBron, tell Boobie to suck on your non-shooting hand next time!"

"Where's Sideshow, losers?"

and finally...

"[fill in your own witty remark]"
I know, I know. I have the creative juices of a drunk 13 year old. But seriously, I hope the Wizards pound the living S#!T out of the Cavs tonight. Here is what I will be looking for:
  • Assists. If we can break 20, we are golden. This obviously requires a significant contribution from AD.
  • Rebounds. If we could, that would be super (Hey Brendon, wake the F up!)
  • Steals. We are currently 16th in the League in steals per game, with 7.5. We used to better at that (Jared Jeffries helped a lot, maybe we can get him back too). I would like to see that number up, especially tonight with so few good ball handlers on this Cleveland team.
  • Caron Butler lighting it up behind the 3 point line. It's just awesome to see. By the way, go vote for him for the All Star game.
See y'all tonight. Go Wiz!

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