Sunday, November 2, 2008

Wizards Win 2nd of 4 Quarters Versus Pistons!!

That's Right!!! We WON!!!!.....the SECOND QUARTER!!! WHOOO HOOO!!!!! Man that quarter was awwwwwwe-some!!!!!!!! It was like, we were good!!! and stuff. Check this out, you aren't going to believe it. It totally says the Wizards beat the Pistons! By 11 points in the second quarter! Who CARES about the other 3!!! I mean, ONE GOOD QUARTER!!!!!!!! Check out these splediferous stat lines, they is down right NASTY! (Oh yeah, I said it.)

Nick Young4-40-01+11
Caron Butler3-40-12+13
Antawn Jamison3-51-20+16
Juan Dixon3-41-22+18

stats from

Notice the highest +/- right therr? That therr is Juan Dixonrrrrrrrrrr NO FUCKIN WAY! Juan Dixon? Holy Crap!?! You know, everyone said he could shoot, but damn!!! 3-4 from the field and 1-2 from behind the arc?!?! That's about a 66% shooting percentage! That's good enough to be the 2nd best scorer on the Wizards! In the second quarter....!!! Nick Young was PHE-NOMA-NOMA-INAL!! That's two NOMA's!!! I don't even know what a NOMA is (currently a tie between a disease caused by malnutrition or THIS Danish restaurant (Danish like from Norway, not danish like the breakfast pastry.))

And duuuuuude!!! You shoulda seen the defense. It was awesome. There was aggressiveness, quickness, agility, talking, and even some sick blocks. Your typical Etan Thomas elbows flew around, but this time, he really meant it. And ALLLLL of it, and I mean ALLL the good stuff was in the 2nd quarter!!

Okay, I think that's enough with the exclamation points. But if I may take an aside for a brief moment (rhetorical questions...the manna of bloggers everywhere). What the HELL happened in quarters 1 and 3? And to a lesser but no less serious or inconsequentially bad extent, the fourth quarter?? How many big words can I fit into such a long winded sentence without trying? The first quarter, the Wizards, as a team, shot 33% from the field and was only 1-4 from behind the arc. The 3rd and 4th we were around 50%, which was nice, but it all came from jump-shots and there was very little passing of the ball. In other words, it was a lot of:

Deshawn/Daniels/Young brings up the ball.
Run the Princeton weave above the arc.
Get ball to Caron/Antawn or Young/Stevenson to make something for themselves.

Kinda reminds me of this.

That's it. I've figured out the Wizards offense. Now I must say, during the second quarter, I do not necessarily think we played much better than the 3rd or 4th (the first was truly terrible, really, it wasn't pretty), however, in the 2nd, the shots fell. There was no more driving, cutting, or looks inside than there were later in the game, we simply made more shots. And by the way, isn't shooting coach Randy Ayers still with the team? I mean, why are we missing SO MANY shots? Yeah, Detroit's D was good, but they didn't contest ALL the shots we missed. (I wonder where I can find numbers on that????)

If we could just get more shots to fall, and drive inside a bit more, I think we could win some games. One thing I think could help is a lineup change. I know it's too early now, but I just don't think what we start out with on the court is going to pan out in the long run until Arenas comes back. I say you can keep Daniels at the point, unless Nick strings together a run of "super duper that was so awesome I need to go to the pooper" games, at which point I would say try the switch, especially if Arenas' return is delayed. I know it's not his best position, but I gots to leave Stevenson in at the 2. He's streaky, I know, but he's been pretty good on average, and I can take that. Besides, he can't feel his face. I stick with Caron and Antawn at 3 and 4, but at 5, I really gotta pull Etan Thomas.

Dear Etan,

I like you dude, seriously, your energy is awesome and the fact that you came back so quickly is a testament to how hard you worked, but there is this minor issue of you not being able to put the ball in the basket from within 3 feet. I know you may eventually get there, and with Haywood out you will see plenty of playing time off the bench, but unless you figure it out soon, we gotta replace you. I know it may suck to be replaced by JaVale "Gumby" McGee or Andray "the Tease" Blatche, but if we don't get some interior scoring, it's going to make it tough to even make the playoffs. I mean, have you seen the Sixers? Or the Raptors? Or the Celtics or Hawks? Forget about Rose in Chicago or Wade, Marion and Beasley in Miami??!?! So with that, score some points in the paint for please sit down.

Thanks buddy!

Yes, I'd replace Etan Thomas with McGee or Blatche. (BTW, thank the Pistons announcers for "the Teaser"). Probably Blatche first because he's got more experience, but if McGee could realize some of that potential real fast and put on a couple pounds so he doesn't get pushed around like Dust in the Wind, I really think he could help. I'm not even totally sold myself, still lots of time to see if these starting five can pull out something that resembles a win.

So now the Wizards head up to Milwaukee on Wednesday to play the 1-2 Bucks. What to expect? I have no idea. Seriously, I'd love to see a win, but by the looks of the slow start we're havin, I'd be happy with just winning two out of four quarters.

PS - He's mad! He's mad! He's really, really mad! (ok, that's an exaggeration and also a bad rip-off from the King of Pop).

(I must also thank this guy for his tips on tables in blogs)

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

...And We're Back

That's right, the Swog is back. It's a new season, and I know all of you missed my high school humor and super duper wit. Plus, I couldn't stay away, blogging is an addiction. Not like crack er nothin, that's gross and really bad for you (I hear). It's more like being addicted to the Orange Chicken at Panda Express. I mean, that shit is really good. I tell myself I don't need it, but I'm just foolin myself. Of course I do.

Maybe they sprinkle the crack into the sauce!
And you know what else? I need to blog. I need to talk about the Wizards, the NBA, and every once in a while, really dumb shit that bothers me, and every other once in a while when I'm not blogging about shit that bugs me, I'll talk about hot cheerleaders. Everybody loves hot cheerleaders. But the Wizards played a game last night, first one of the season, and I made sure to watch every second. What follows is an almost true account of what transpired.

I ate a burrito during the second quarter. It was good. It was during this time the Wizards started to play particularly well. Or so it seemed. The first quarter had been filled with some made 3's and a couple 18 footers to go along with our 3-10 shooting under the rim. After such a poor performance, I felt like some guacamole was necessary. Some hot sauce too. So I opened the little hot sauce container, unrolled my burrito and proceeded to pour said hot sauce onto said burrito. Same with the guac. Now comes the re-wrap. During this time, EJ was throwin some spicy chicken at his players, explaining to them that they need to get to the rim. Maybe it wasn't spicy chicken. But
I found some on my shorts so I figured it had to have been him. Whatever he said to (or threw at) them, it worked, because the 2nd quarter was mucho better. Blatche calmed down, ET stopped trying to look for shots and became a facilitator, and Jamison actually HIT a 3-pointer (his first and only of the game). Although the Wizards were only up by two at this point, they were doing a much better job defending in the paint, allowing only 2 baskets on 5 attempts. You do know why, right? It was my burrito. Burrito-power. But anyway, I was about half-way through my burrito when half-time rolled around but I was pretty stuffed, so I decided to take a burrito break.

And you can too. Please take 2 minutes and 31 seconds of your time to learn the history of the word burrito from my favorite schoolteacher and yours, Hot For Words.

...I didn't know either, don't feel bad.

So back to the game. When the second half began, so too did the reconquest of my burrito. But something didn't look right in the 3rd quarter. Maybe it was that our 2nd basket didn't come until 6:09 in? Or maybe it was that the first had been nearly 5 minutes prior? Perhaps it was the guacamole/bean/burrito juice on my shorts? Or maybe it was the Nets' 6-7 shooting inside the paint. Nah, it was probably Jamison's 4 missed 3-pointers. It definitely was not the rumble in my stomach screaming Hibachi! (In fact, it was a slow mumble, something like "doooooop" or "chuuuuute", I couldn't tell). Whatever it was, it was sucking. But my burrito was still good, so I hadn't lost hope. It's the first game of a LONG season, and we were playing the Kifferson-less Nets (ahhh, but you say they themselves were playing the Areewood-less Wizards, and you would be correct, and I would hate you for it). But seriously folks, what happened? We seemed to have a plan in the first half, and in the 2nd, everything seemed to not work. But what was worse, was when plays didn't work, everyone would stand around and wait for whomever had the ball to do something. I think I saw MAYBE 3-4 cuts through the lane when plays stopped working. I will say this. JaVale McGee can friggin rebound. And block too. I swear, you could tie sheets to that dude's arms and legs and para-glide his ass all the back to Barcelona. We missed all 7 shots around the arc on the right side of the court and only made 2 on the left side. Although they went 4-7 inside the paint, the Nets simply dominated the 3rd quarter. But you know what? I'm used to that. The Wizards wouldn't be the Wizards if they didn't slack off in the third quarter after playing a particularly good half. So I continued watching. And eating. (Yeah, it's a large burrito, so what?).

1/1000000 scale

The 4th quarter was not much better. 4-11 from the field, 1-5 behind the arc, 14 total rebounds and -386 assists. We got close, but in the end, that VC 3-pointer sealed the deal. I was upset. My burrito was gone, the Wizards had lost their season opener, at home no less, and soon, I was gonna have to make a trip to the bathroom real soon. I simply HAD to read the newest Maxim. I know it's a very long season, and truthfully, I think the Wizards played well, they are simply rusty. I wish EJ could figure out a way around that, cause it seems like it happens every year. We overcame a rough start last year, but I didn't wear my jersey and I couldn't even attend this year, so it HAS to be different.

Overall, I like McGee. I liked him when I saw him in Vegas at Summer League and in pre-season, and I liked that EJ had enough confidence to put him in tonight. Dee Brown made some nice passes, but I'm still undecided. He was ok at Summer League, but not great. I'll be happy when Gil is back. Juan Dixon wasted 5 possessions by chucking up shots, only going 1-4 from the field and o'fer 2 from behind the arc. I would have liked to see DMac in the game a bit more. I know he's not a scorer, but he always seems to have a positive affect when he's on the floor (I will prove this, one day). Jamison needs to either hit 3's or stop taking them, one or the other. He was ice cold tonight. As a team, we need to pass more. The 18 assist total simply will not cut it. We rarely win when the assist total is under 20. Committing 15 turnovers and going 37% from the field didn't help either. But like I said, I'm not worried (yet). I've got plenty of time to worry before Gil comes back.

It was fun speaking to you all again. I hope you enjoyed my burrito as much as I did. Now I have to go recycle it.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008


They do say 3rd time's a charm...if you haven't heard, Gil has knee surgery numero tres.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Bye, Bye Cleveland

OVER. Enjoy your summer.

Who says I can't talk shit?

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

I Need This. WE, Need This.

As I awoke to the buzzing of my alarm this morning, the normally bright sunshine that is omnipresent around southern California was nowhere to be found. Today, according to Accuweather, was to be cloudy and cold (relatively speaking, a high of 55 with mild wind isn't bad on that other coast). But there was something else wrong this morning when I woke up, and it wasn't because I was in some strangers hotel bathroom or felt like I might have been missing a kidney, no, this wrong-ness felt more Wizard related.

I think I'm legitimately worried. It's the first time this post-season that I felt unsure of the Wizards chances (the last time I felt this dismayed was watching Gil miss those 2 free throws). I have always stood by them, believing unflinchingly in their ability to win. I even picked the Wizards to win in all in a bracket with some friends. Over Boston, over Detroit, over LA and over the Spurs. It was worth the $5 for me show by complete belief in their ability to win. Now, with our backs up against the wall heading into the Q, I am unsure if we can do it. As mentioned by Prada over at BulletsForever, lots of things went wrong in Game 4. There was no individual player, no individual moment, and no individual performance factor that stood out (ok, maybe offensive boards). I was so upset after watching Game 4 that I couldn't even talk about it, let alone blog about it. That last second shot by Gil, all the missed 3's, the missed rebounds, it all weighed on me. I decided later in the day that I had to let that game go. Much like a player, a blogger must learn to move on as well, as does a fan. But how does a player, a blogger, or a fan come back from a loss like that? How do you look at a game where despite losing the rebounding battle badly, despite your poor shooting, and despite mistakes of the other team, you still manage to stay close AND lose? I don't know. That's where I'm at.

Usually I'd sit here and say we have to get aggressive on those boards, but we knew that. Or we have to have better shot selection, or more assists, or sit Stevenson when he's cold, but what will that do? Frankly, I think we have played reasonably well enough to win at least 3 of the 5 games, yet we only have 1 victory. Something has got to change, but I don't even know what it is. I know the Wizards want this win. I know they (myself included) want to beat the Cavs VERY badly. The problem couldn't (and shouldn't) be a lack of desire. So whatever it is they need, I hope they find it.

I, and many other fans, have poured their heart and soul into the club and this year was going to be the year we made it past the Cavs. The year when we could tell Lebron and his rag-tag group of rotating role players that we are not a team to be messed with. That the Wizards are the #1 team in the East, a spot we held briefly when all 3 guys were healthy last season. I still believe in this team, and I hope they do to, cause I swear, I really need this.

PS - Please, please, PLEASE do not let Lebron go baseline this time. I'm begging you!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

"When Life Gives you Lemons you Paint that Sh*t Gold"

Thank you Atmosphere for naming your album with such a pertinent saying, I need it for this blog post! (Side note: got a BWD last Saturday, Blogging While Drunk. It was just a warning this time, but it can get you in some real trouble, like fired).

When I originally watched game 2, everything blurred together and all I remembered was that we played a terrible (insert Charles Barkley impression here) game. I didn't remember playing well at all but I couldn't put my finger on exactly why we were SO bad. I mean, I know they weren't hitting any shots, and that was part of the problem, but what else?

So I re-watched Game 2 last night, and this time, I took notes. Some examples:
  • Missed layup
  • Wide open Wally
  • Gil misses long shot with 24 on the shot clock
  • Gil bad shot
  • 2-6 FT @ 1:35 in 1st
  • Gil loses ball
  • Missed layup
  • Bad shots
  • No passing
  • Haywood ejected
There were lots of others in between, even some good ones like good rotations on D, but for pretty much the entire game, the offense was stagnant. Like. Real, real, real bad. I think for about 5 minutes in the 1st quarter we moved the ball, but after that time we simply settled for jump shots or missed easy layups. We stopped moving the ball, we stopped cutting to the basket and we stopped trying to establish any kind of position near the rim. If some of our more open looks had gone in, things would have been a little different, but they weren't, and our guys should have adjusted. Instead, Caron, Jamison and Arenas all decided they were gonna be the one to fix it. They took turns putting their head down, driving the lane and missing layups, sometimes getting a foul (but then missing the free throws). I can't put into words how much I hate seeing players with the Michael Jordan syndrome trying to take over the game by not passing, not spreading the floor, not play TEAM ball. In cases like that, EJ has been able to fix things by slowing down the offense to encourage passing, but this time, nothing worked, and then Haywood was out and the game was over. What I saw in Game 2 was a lack of ball movement, bad shot selection, ok not great D, poor free throw shooting, poor ball control and what I think may have been the worst part, a lack of cohesiveness.

This entire year, our team has played as a TEAM. They shared the ball, helped on D, and had the will to win as a team. What I saw in Game 2 was not the same Wizards team I've seen all year. Now, I know people don't want to point to Gil as the reason, and I'm certainly the last one to NOT want to see him in this series, but at this point, how is he helping? Hear me out.

He has shot poorly this series. So has Deshawn. Now I know, we ALL know, that Stevenson is a streaky shooter, but I think the fact that Stevenson is getting different minutes than he's been getting all year, his game is off. Simple as that. I think if you leave him in for his regular mintues, he starts hitting shots. Gil was unable to close in the end of Game 1 and also has a sprained wrist that affects his shooting (he finished 2-10). His turnovers are up and he's not passing when he needs to. All this considered, and I'd say Gil doesn't necessarily need to play. I'm not saying sit him out, I'm saying don't use him unless you have to. The Wizards without Arenas made it into the Playoffs, I honestly believe that we can beat the Cavs without him if we had to. But since we do have him, let's be smart. Let's beat them like we beat teams during the regular season. I don't know where it may be right to use Gil at this point, but EJ is a smart guy, and I think he could find a role.

Game 1 was a tough loss. Game 2 was an aberration. You know what they say...

When life gives you paint that sh*t gold (and dunk it in their MOTHERF#*%'N faces).

When I watch this game on TV later tonight, I want to feel the energy though the screen. I'm serious. All you people goin to the game better yell as loud as possible. Because you gotta believe...

We got this.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

I'm Drunk and the Wizards Lost

1. Yes. I'm really drunk and yes, I'm really going to write a blog post in my current state. 2. I do not believe my drunkenness has anything to do with the Wizards losing.

Why am I drunk? Well, the game on the West coast started at 9:30am...sweet. However, before I could enjoy the game, I received a call of a very personal matter that pretty much ruined my day/week/month. Without going into details, I"ll just say that the other people/person in this this post isn't/aren't held in the same regard as she was when I wrote the post. So I was already angry/pissed/upset/excited/confused and many other emotions before I began watching the game.

Once the game started I felt a bit better. It was going real well. Agent Zero hit his 3's, the Wizards were winning and dominating in most aspects of the game. At half-time, I decided it was time to start drinking (approx. 11am). The Wiz were ok, but I was still out of it. Once I got to beer 3 (about the 4th quarter) I was feeling a lot better. When we got deep in the 4th quarter, shit started goin bad. I was becoming an angry drunk, yellin at the screen and what-not, and then Arenas decided to chuck up some shots that I gotta say, were terrible. And I let the people sitting next to me know that. He really should have passed the ball in those end of game situations after he realized nothing was dropping. So back to the alcoholism. I decided that to make myself feel better after the loss the only real answer was to keep drinking. So I did.

I speak to you now after a solid # of beers and a 40 (I had to stop so I could drive home), and 10 minutes of spell-check. And instead of working on the 15-page paper I have due on Wednesday, that I haven't even started, I'm gonna keep drinking. That's right, I'm gonna make it so Game 1 (and a couple other things) never happened.

PS - I really could have used a win today, would have made the rest of the day that much easier.